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Day 59: When to Cancel an Exotic Resort

Is there ever a bad time to vacation at an exotic resort? Yes. There are two actually. One is when it's the rainy season. The other is when you've just met your boy for the first time. When we went to the Philippines to get Rex, we were planning to spend the majority of the trip at a resort. We would meet Rex, receive custody, and then drive to the resort. We would stay there for four days, swimming and frolicking in the hot Philippines sun, and at the end of our stay, I would fill out the guest evaluation card by saying, "Excellent service, boy now part of family, thank you."

But oops, it was the rainy season and oops we did just meet our boy for the first time. We discussed the resort idea with our dear friend Pat. She's an American missionary who has lived in the Philippines for 20 years. She operates a boarding school, children's home, social ministry, sustainable farm and international training center, along with starting over 200 schools. She kindly informed us that the resort might not be the best idea, due to the afore mentioned reasons. She offered to let us stay at her property for our first days with Rex.

We're so glad we did. At the children's home, Rex got to play with kids his age while he got used to us. He communicated with people who knew what he was saying. He hung out with folks who looked like him. This was a more delicate transition than if we shot over to the resort. He'd be with us non-stop with no relief from his countrymen. He'd want to catch his breath with some Filipinos but only have the huffing of us Americans. He'd want someone to understand him. So for these reasons, it's good we canceled the resort, even if it was exotic. Pat--excellent service, boy now part of family, thank you.

Day 58: Thanks, Heidi

If pictures are worth a thousand words, we said a lot today. A local photographer and friend named Heidi Lewis came on our Philippines trip to capture our first days with Rex. Her pictures are priceless and they tell a story like none other. Bringing Heidi along was one of the best decisions we've ever made. Not only was she easy to travel with, but her work is stunning. She's not only an artist, but an artist we appreciate. Just because you're an artist doesn't mean the world is better off with your work. It is, however, better off with Heidi's.

It was important to make record of our "birth," or the closest thing to it. We weren't around Rex when he was born three years ago, but we were around him now to bring him into our family. We have lots of pictures from when Asia was born, filling a nice scrapbook that Colette made. Why shouldn't we do the same for Rex? Why should one of our children not see the moment he joined our family? Why should he not get a scrapbook? He will, thanks to Heidi. One of the best decisions we made.

Today we had a photo session at Heidi's studio. It was a kind of "look at us now" session. It was a marker for us. So much has happened since the last time Heidi focused her camera on us. Before we didn't know what Rex' glances meant. Now we do. Before Rex didn't know who we were. Now he does. Before Rex hadn't become part of our family. Now he has. In between are also the private moments, the ones that eluded the watchful lens of Ms. Lewis, the ones still imprinted on our hearts. The stuff of families. You should see us then. You should see us now. Thanks, Heidi.

Day 57: Oh for the Love of Ketchup

Because today is Day 57, and because our last name is Heinz, I will write about ketchup. Rex loves it. He eats it with most things, most especially his favorite food, french fries. I think he'll be really surprised when he finds out that french fries are not one of the major food groups. According to his food pyramid, he will have been eating very well and thinking he's doing all the right things, and then suddenly find out that french fries are actually bad for you. That'll be a sad day. But I don't think it'll change anything.

Our family goes through ketchup fast. That's because Asia and I love it, too. Colette says we love the red stuff because it's so high in sugar, but I think she's really jealous of my relationship with ketchup. Sometimes when she makes a meal, I don't even try it before I get out the ketchup. I just dump it on. I suppose that's kind of insulting. It's like I'm trying to improve the food without even tasting it. But I'm not. I'm just enhancing it. There's a big difference.

When I was in sixth grade, we had a fake city council election. I ran for office and my campaign slogan was, "There may be 57 varieties, but there's only one Chris Heinz." Ketchup helped me win the race. Ketchup also helps Rex finish his meal. He doesn't have a very diverse food palate, but if we put ketchup on things, he's more likely to try them. That doesn't mean he'll eat them, but it does mean he'll try them. And if he tries them this time, he might eat them next time. Oh for the love of ketchup. (I told you Colette was jealous).

Day 56: Less Sleep in Buying a Car

Today I went shopping for a car to replace our ten year-old Jetta. I think I found one, and am planning to buy it tomorrow. I'm confident of the process--I researched online, read reviews, got competing offers, test drove a comparable. I even got a dealership to match the lowest offer and throw in more features. This was a good process. And yet, I have this sinking feeling like I'm making a mistake. But when I put it all on paper, you know, analyze needs and work out the numbers, I come to the same conclusion: this is a good decision borne from a good process.

I imagine it'll keep me up tonight. Deciding to adopt never kept me up. I feel more anxiety about buying this car than bringing a kid into our family. Why is that? Isn't the kid a bigger risk? Isn't the kid likely to change our family more than a car is? I mean there were no online reviews for Rex. He didn't get any stars, didn't get a safety rating. The car did, a great one. So why is the kid easier than the car?

I think it's about value. I never doubted the value of adopting, of changing a life, of changing ours. The moment we decided to do it, I never looked back. Colette didn't either. It seems like we ripped off the system. Yeah, it cost money and time and effort, but we got this amazing little boy out of it. It doesn't seem fair. On the other hand, the car will lose value the moment I drive it off the lot, and I'll probably never know if it's really worth what we put into it. Rex isn't worth what we put in...he's worth so much more.

Day 55: A New Life

I'm fascinated by an old woman named Anna. Married at around sixteen, she lived with her husband until he died eight years later. That made Anna a widow at age 24, and she stayed a widow for the rest of her life. Her son was legally responsible to take care of her, but she chose something else. She decided to live in the Jewish Temple, where she prayed, worshipped and fasted all day long. Not just one day. Every day.

When Jesus was a baby--eight days old--he was brought to the Temple to be dedicated. Anna was there, 107 years old at the time. When she saw Jesus, she recognized him as the Messiah, and she told people about it. Only a newborn, Jesus was more than a newborn to Anna. She knew what he came to do.

Anna intrigues me because of what happens after her great tragedy. She loses her husband, someone very important to her. But her life doesn't end there. She gets a whole new life, a new start. Not every orphan loses their mom or dad like Anna lost her husband. Yes, some parents die, way too young. Some parents walk away because they're way too young. Some just can't raise another kid. But, like Anna, some orphans get an opportunity for a whole new life. Their tragedy doesn't have to define them. Their new life can.

Day 54: Possibilities

It might seem like adoption is always on my mind, but it's not. I mean, when I decided to write every single day of our Adoption Year, and to focus it on the adoption experience, I knew my output would center on adoption--that was the point. But even though this family adventure is due to adoption, I think a lot of the things that happen and a lot of the things I write about are just normal family stuff. These same types of things can happen to a clan of biological children and their birth parents.

The fact that Rex got sprayed in the face by the Iron Chef, the fact that I got singled out by a herd of Mommies, the fact that Asia loves to dance in her Philippines shirt, the fact that Colette is stupendous at brushing teeth has nothing to do with adoption. It's just that adoption brought us all together for these kinds of moments. They're moments I wouldn't trade for anything. Not even another pregnancy.

This isn't to say that none of the experiences I write about are adoption-centric. Some of them are. We definitely go through stuff that is unique to adoption. But I don't want anyone to get the idea that the adoptive family life is so different from the biological family life. I mean, we birthed Asia and we're adopting Rex, so we've experienced both. There are some differences, but generally it's all family stuff. It's about loving the kids God gave you. So if you can do that with a biological child, you can do that with an adopted one. It's possible.