Day 10: Coping Behaviors

As adoptive parents, we're observing Rex and learning about him. Biologic parents do the same thing with newborns. They learn their sleep cycles, their favorite activities, their poop times. Well, we're doing the same with Rex, although he's not a newborn--he's almost three. We're studying his behavior so we know what he needs; we're letting his actions speak to us like they're a language--the language of Rex.

One major type of behavior we're paying attention to is coping behavior. This is behavior Rex uses when he's in a stressful situation. We know he's feeling anxious and looking for a way out when he goes into his coping behaviors. We saw a lot of them during our first days with him, but as time goes on, he uses them less frequently, although they're still there. Rex' coping behaviors signal that something is wrong and needs our attention. Sometimes it's when he meets new people or is in a new place; other times when he wants something and he doesn't get it.

When Rex uses coping behaviors, it's his way to avoid feeling what he's really feeling. As he begins to feel safe and accepted, he'll allow himself to feel what he really feels and will abandon the behaviors. He'll reach a place of resiliency, where he can emotionally adjust to the changing situation. He won't avoid his feelings; he'll enter into them because he knows he's taken care of. But until then, it feels like we're loving him well when we not only identify his coping behaviors, but also give him what he needs.