Day 23: Five Reactive Coping Patterns

In her research on internationally adopted children, Dr. Patty Cogen has identified five types of coping behaviors that she calls, "Reactive Coping Patterns." (Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child). In order to deal with challenging situations, children engage in these coping patterns, much like adults might compulsively shop or binge drink or chain smoke or overwork, to deal with their challenges. In this way, adults aren't that different from children.

Cogen's five patterns are: the Warm Rock, the Stunned Rag Doll, the Dizzy Performer, the Royal Boss, and the Unwilling Guest. Two of these patterns--the Warm Rock and the Stunned Rag Doll--are based on passive behaviors. The Warm Rock might sleep excessively or quietly withdraw from activity, while the Stunned Rag Doll might be physically present, but appear aloof and distant.

The Dizzy Performer and Royal Boss are based on active behaviors. The Dizzy Performer can command a room through entertaining everyone and is overly friendly to adults, while the Royal Boss controls people through whining or temper tantrums. The fifth pattern, the Unwilling Guest, is a combination of both passive and active behaviors, as he actively searches or waits for something he's missing. I've written about coping behaviors before, and since then, we've been able to observe Rex even more. We definitely know what his preferred coping pattern is and now that we do, we can match it with strategic parenting.