Day 28: Chronological Age vs. Family Age

There's a difference between chronological age and family age. Chronological age is, as you might guess, the literal age of a person. It's the amount of time they've been on the earth. Family age is, however, the amount of time a person has been in a particular family. In Rex' case, his chronological age is two years--almost three--while his family age is one month. He had achieved an older family age with his foster family, but had to start over with us. (If you're looking for the fountain of youth, just switch families and you can begin again).

Sometimes family age is more important than chronological age. For example, bonding. Think about what usually happens at one month of chronological age. Mommy is literally in the baby's face. She gets really close, makes exaggerated facial guestures, and gawgaws funny sounds. If she's feeding him, by breast or by bottle, they're sharing the same intimate space. She holds him when he's awake, rocks him to sleep, and comforts him when he cries. All this nurturing builds a strong bond between Mommy and baby. He knows he's safe, so he can seek some healthy independence, but still return to his Mommy because of the foundation they've built.

Although Rex is two years old chronologically, we haven't had two years of bonding with him; we're only at one month in family age. And so we're doing now with Rex what we would do with a one month-old. Colette sits with him and rocks him when he drinks his bottle at night. She looks into his eyes and tells him how precious he is. When I bathe him, I get really close to his face, and speak to him gently. I hold him as much as I can (my love handles are substitute lady hips) and I let him rest his head on my shoulder. We're making up for lost time.