Day 44: Show Not Tell

Even though Asia is now sharing our attention and affection with not only a new family member, but a two year-old (I'd argue it's harder to share with a toddler than a newborn), we think she's doing great. Part of this is due to preparation--we talked and prayed with her about this ahead of time--and some due to her resiliency--she is a well-adjusted, emotionally healthy and secure girl--but some is due to our effort now. We're making special opportunities to show her how we feel about her.

One of the things I remember from eighth grade English class, apart from the fact that I really wanted to get into "Heart of Darkness" but had no idea why this book was required reading, is the saying, "Show not tell." Show not tell was our teacher's way of instructing us to describe what we were saying, rather than just telling the reader. For instance, rather than telling the reader, "The tomato tasted good," show the reader by saying, "As soon as I bit into the tomato, the sweet tanginess traveled down to my toes and made me feel like I was floating; it was the best tomato I had ever tasted." So, illustrate, present examples, make the point come alive. That's how you show not tell.

Colette and I are trying the same thing with Asia. Rather than just telling her that we love her and that she's special, we're showing her. There are a variety of ways to do this. One is finding times when it's just us and her, like when Rex goes to bed, and then verbally acknowledging that this time is special because it's just us. Another is giving Asia "big girl" responsibilities like setting the table or clearing it when we're done. She knows we don't give these tasks to Rex and they prove that we trust her and that she's set apart. Another is playing games that she really likes. Showing our love, not just telling it, is easing this transition, and once the change is over, we'll keep doing it. It's a great way to love.