Day 53: Positive Adoption Language

In preparing to adopt, we learned about what is referred to as "Positive Adoption Language" (PAL). PAL is a way of talking about adoption that affirms the value of the process as well as the adopted child. Before we learned about it, we really didn't think about the words we were using. But now we do. At first PAL took extra effort and we sort of bumbled over our words, but it comes much more easily now.

For example, to ask, "Is he your natural child?" is not PAL because, what does it mean for the adopted child? That he is unnatural? A variation is, "Is he your own child?" Again, what then for the adopted child? Not your own child? Another is, "Is he your real child?" Now what exactly is the alternative? That he's your unreal child? Come on now. Of course he's not. He's as real as any child born to you. PAL also includes appropriate references to the adoption. For example, you often hear the phrase, "She is adopted." She might be 27 years old and adopted when she was one, but for some reason, she's in a perpetual state of being adopted. Adoption is a legal transaction and ought to be treated as such. PAL is, "She was adopted."

These differences seem subtle, but to an adopted child who might be prone to shame or rejection, they're monumental. Words matter. They can either affirm the child's fears or dispel them. They can encourage his sense of belonging or damage it. So think about the language you use. Be a PAL to an adopted child today!